Without title

to Marta

When Vicky broke the news that Jerome said keep just one, so the rest of us could leave, so I could leave as well, well, I didn't run the floor, I flew!, yeah, indeed, for real, ok maybe not for real, it's an expression, you know, but you had to see me, ha!, I didn't even look back to say goodnight to Alex, to say goodnight to anyone, I don't anyway, but even if I used to, I wouldn't then, you see, then there was only time to evacuate, to escape, so I grabbed my belongings, I shut down the computer from the power button, even if I wanted so badly to cut off the power completely instead, even if I wanted just to hold the wires with my one hand and chop them from the root with the other one instead, yes!, like I wouldn't dare such an atrocity!, maybe another day, adios, for now, one, two, three, black screen?, I spin, I am gone, I run, I am not even here, and what now?, I don't have a bike today, who is going to give me a lift?, I don't turn, I don't ask, asking leads to procrastination, asking leads to more time inside that bloody office, and after all, even without a bike, without an immediate escape, hejira is hejira, under any circumstances, don't you think?, that was what I was thinking while I was closing the door behind me, thinking that was taking place inside the building in which I didn't want to spend another bloody second, and the next second fortunately, and most unexpectedly I chanced upon Kelly while I was ice-skating the corridor, he was at the sink, washing out his mag, Kelly is the best, I am telling you, Kelly looks ahead, because if you fix a nescafé in a mug, always a smudge coffee ring remains on the inner wall of the mug and if you just leave it on the desk, on the next day it has to get drenched in order to come off, from Eleni, and that's an additional trouble for her, that's what I mean, when I am saying that Kelly is the best, even if that's completely off topic, even if this whole delirium is completely off topic, because, what were you thinking; deliriums of course have their own form, style and topic and mine, at that specific time, it had to be, the topic I mean, fast, fast, fast and home, sweet home, because in ten, in twelve minutes or something similar, or something close to that, or not at all, but anyway, the topic was that in x minutes I had to be back, away from here, there, home.

All the way to the car he kept explaining me why I shouldn't pay that much for getting my bicycle fixed even if I attempted a million times to rebut that I simply don't have the tools, so if I don't have any tools, I cannot fix myself nothing and if I cannot avoid that, then in any case I will have to pay, a price well, of what height?, that's the question ok, but the most goes to the spare parts anyway, which cost is mostly fixed, and the remaining to the service which is not much, but no, he wouldn't understand, he was insisting that he is able to find me a solution that will save me from five to ten euros, thank you mate!, but you know, you don't understand, he didn't understand that I didn't doubt his claim or intention and actually the issue is that actually I really wanted to give out these extra euros to the guy, as much wasteful as it sounds, however even with this additional paranoiac explanation, or because of it, he was still under the impression that the fee for the service was inexcusably expensive, and you know what, he was right, but all I was trying to say to him, in a non adequate way, obviously, and possibly in the most non adequate way, is that sometimes, you do not want to make the best deal, out of everything, the best deal is not always the urge that motivates all person under all conditions, sometimes yes, you want not to win, is that strange?, sometimes you just want to support a friend, or a person that is not your friend but you empathize, or a professional craftsman who struggles to make ends meet, and Kelly, to cut the story short, there is no cherry on this tourt.

Haha, hoho and something like that, we got on his car, he drove me home, well, close enough, to let you understand I will give you a figure, an estimation, from the spot he left me, from Zan Moreas street, it was olny 5 min walking distance, so he left me, so I walked and deliberately instead of turning the corner, I passed by the big sycamore across the renovated neoclassical duplex which is not the direct and the fastest way, but I rather go from there sometimes because the narrow street that starts from there, Galinou, is one of my favourite, it is surrounded by humble but impressive houses, all from the same decade, 40's?, 50's?, sometime around, anyway, they give you this predictable but irresistible nostalgic impression that you live in another era, but ok enough with the banalities, enough with the melodrama, I turned again to reach my street, one street down, and right there, five meters in front of me, a guy was limping along, talking to himself and suddenly I got panicked, I don't know why, without reason?, I passed him using my brisk pace, hopping at the same time that he is not going to address me and regardless of what I was hopping, upon the prospect of talking to me, got panicked even more, you see, I didn't want that to happen, not in the least, no no, get back, don't do it, please, pretty please?, I would rather stay in the office than exchanging the slightest utterance with him, Kelly, Kelly where are you?, take me back, why all the haste?, why the roundabout, is this karma?, this encounter, don't talk to me, por favor, parakalo?, I will be good from now on, I mean, no mean thoughts, no malicious reflections, nothing, two steps away, one, I passed him, he is behind, he is not talking, he is talking, but not to me, I am reaching the doorstep, hell yeah, I escaped, again, twice today, not bad, not bad?, excellent!, I am unlocking, I am getting in, I am in, I am closing the door, the guy is walking without even looking at my direction, now he is five feet away, six, seven, thank god, now I feel relieved, now I feel safe, now I feel, pause, well, not so good, not so good at all, on the contrary, so petty, so selfish, so everything I am trying to avoid, everything I fight not to become, this moment, now, I am embodying whatever goes bad for humanity, the vice, every one, was me, at that moment, and the next moment I was shivering from the discovery, from the degradation of my being, ok, ok, that was kind of phony, I get it, I got it, I realized, all of a sudden that I had to move eventually, from the glass door, my body and my thoughts, away, along with my lifeless gaze, and at the end I did moved, probably because my paternal instinct aroused from Nina's ravenous meow and most likely because I wanted to go inside, and bloody write something after so long, after so many months, after so many glasses of wine, after so many attempts, after so many mistakes and solecisms, here it is, instead of explaining you the reasoning behind of what made me deleting the facebook account I used to have seven years ago or trying to pitch you the reusage of your whatsapp, at almost 4am, no, instead take the most incomprehensible, phony and superficial sample of prose you will encounter this year...